My God, What Happened to 2019?

Let’s just eschew the concise yet clever intro and skip to the explanation. What’s happened in 2019? Just a lot of living and life and parenting (so much #momlife) and job and the general exhausting hamster wheel of existence in a cutthroat capitalist society. In all honesty, it’s all kind of gotten away from me, and I’m just now looking up from the chaos, asking myself, “How did I get here? How did my workouts drop off? How have I lost almost any or all time for hobbies? Why does everything take so much longer than it should?” While a lot has been fun, some of the sweetness has been tinged with just too much constant stress, anxiety and burnout, which takes away from experiencing the good stuff with full presence.

So it’s time to recalibrate, and since this is kind of a fashion blog, part of that included wardrobe and styling. I’ve spent this past month of August doing an informal “30 days, 30 pieces” capsule and there have been both good and bad points to it. I’ve liked that the limited choices keep me from overthinking outfits during a crazy-busy season in life, and everything has been quite cohesive. The outfits are simple and easy, as befitting a season full of heat and humidity. 

But, I’m bored! I felt locked into this pretty, feminine boho-y style all month and it’s made me realize I miss being a little more eclectic in my fashion. I miss wearing more black! More punk! And boots and coats and…well, maybe I miss fall. But it’s also nice to do a quick closet clean-out and evaluate what I truly need to get and just rethink what kind of visual energy I’m putting into the world.

And I miss writing here, too. Creatively I’ve been focusing mostly on a rather epic novel that I’ve been pegging away at for about three years, and I’m hoping to finish it this year. (And my current draft is at…gulp…almost 135,000 words!) But hey, it’s not like I’m going to win a Pulitzer for writing here, so why am I being a perfectionist and telling myself I have nothing to say? Just write, dang it.

That said, my almost daily Instagram outfit diary is really where I feel most engaged and connected to. It may be mostly a series of bad mirror selfies, but I do enjoy chronicling and recording my outfits — not because they are super fashionable but because the intersection of clothes and memory has always been especially potent to me. 

But there is just something about longer writing that feels deeply satisfying. I feel really rusty and out of practice at it, though. And in all honestly, I feel often stressed and overwhelmed at times, and it turns my energy and focus into little pieces of confetti that feel scattered and frayed. But! I’m here to try and fail and try again and not give up or hold myself back by perfectionism or a constant case of grumps. I’m going to show up. I’m going to persevere! Goodbye, summer! Hello, fall!

You may also like

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *